It’s cold outside and it’s already getting dark. You’re trying to find something to entertain yourself with like streaming holiday movies on Disney+. On your phone, you see that one of your friends but not one of your close friends have posted some cheery, holiday picture with a gushy caption.
Suddenly, you feel like you’re missing out on something. You believe that everyone else has something great going on in his or her life that you don’t have and the feeling of loneliness creeps in.
Usually, I am with my immediate family for the holidays and even so, I feel lonelier than I feel the rest of the year. I don’t know quite what it is that makes me feel this way, whether it’s feeling like I’m not seeing enough friends and extended family or I don’t have a love of my life to snuggle with.
The holidays will be different this year
I suspect that this year, for many, the holidays are going to be worse because you can’t see your family or you’ve lost someone. The cases of COVID are skyrocketing and restrictions are increasing.
It’s already hard enough on regular years to meet up with everyone, deal with the stress of going to awkward holiday parties, and go through all the holiday traditions.
Although we may have a good excuse this year to not have to go to as many social engagements, the lack of seeing people we love in our lives can be very detrimental to our happiness.
I know I look forward to seeing my friends and family. Especially, those I don’t get to see that often. I also like doing the fun activities with others during the holidays like going to an ice skating rink or having a cookie exchange.
With pandemic restrictions, you may have to be isolated from others but it doesn’t mean you are alone.
Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely
The holidays can be a lonely time, but this year it may be lonelier. Loneliness during this time is not that unusual and it can lead to depression1.
However, there are ways to combat feeling lonely and keep sadness at bay. One way is to connect with friends and family. Think of people who are in your inner circle who are supportive of you.
Of course, you should communicate with them safely by hosting virtual hangouts. Although at this point, having to do this for work as well, you may be burnt out with video communication like Zoom and not want to do this.
Try going a little old fashioned and just do a phone call. This way you have less pressure on yourself to be visibly engaged.
You can do something that’s not too distracting in the background while you catch up with your family and friends and they won’t be the wiser.
Or wear your most comfy lounge outfit (the one that’s starting to get holes in it) and keep your bed head. No one will know!
Catching up with everyone can be tiring
Perhaps, you struggle with the pressure of feeling like you have to be catching up with
everyone during this time but it takes a lot of energy out of you.
Maybe you identify as an introvert and already know that interactions with others can be very tiring in many situations. But maybe you don’t identify as an introvert but you still find that hanging out with certain people or groups of people is demanding.
It could be the people or it could be that you are trying to keep too many appointments to see too many different groups of people in your life. When there are people you don’t normally keep in touch with except during this time of year, it can take a lot more energy to catch up a whole year in a short time.
If the person is someone you feel like you could pick up with right where you left off even though it has been some time, then it probably feels good to see them and you should.
But if it’s uncomfortable to see someone that you’ve made it an obligation to see during this time of year, maybe choose to just briefly see them or postpone this year.
Relating to others will help you feel connected
It’s nice to do community things because it reminds us that we are all connected and feel similarly even though we don’t always outwardly express it.
You can go check out your city’s decorated tree or light show. You can take a walk down an outdoor shopping center area and look at the decorations they put up.
Driving around and seeing people’s light decorations is a fun activity for me. I see the effort they put in to celebrate and seeing that is a good reminder that we’re all working toward a common goal.
So, pick a night and take a drive. Have some hot chocolate while you’re at it and appreciate the holiday spirit.
Things you can do during this time
There are special activities that are typically done during this time. Doing these activities can bring the holiday spirit to life.
Each activity has its level of involvement and complexity. You can pick and choose what you would like to do.
Watch holiday movies
I’m not sure if I watch too much TV but watching movies during the holiday season is a must for me. I like to see the heartwarming stories that are told during this time of the year.
Being the sentimental person that I am, I love to re-watch my favorites every year. Because even though it feels like everything changes in the world, it’s nice to be reminded that some things don’t.
Maybe I feel a sense of stability by watching these movies that I know by heart.
Here are some movies I recommend watching:
- Home Alone (obviously) and Home Alone 2
- The Nightmare Before Christmas
- Santa Clause
- A Muppets Christmas Carol
- A Christmas Carol
These are feel-good stories and have good messages to them. While the feeling may only last so long and you may consider it a distraction, it’s a nice thing to do during the holidays.
There’s nothing wrong with distracting yourself to cheer yourself up.
Activities to do
Be careful not to overload yourself with holiday activities. You don’t want to make something that’s supposed to be enjoyable, stressful.
One of the best ways to make yourself feel good is through good food.
Watch your waistline because I recommend making cookies. Whatever cookies you like. I personally like to make sugar cookies and shape them with holiday cut outs, molasses cookies, baklava, and Mexican wedding cakes (or you may know them as Russian tea cakes).
There are plenty of non-sweet dishes you can make as well. For example, a good acorn nut soup or spiral ham with mashed potatoes and gravy.
You can buy a gingerbread house kit or design and bake your own. I love watching videos and seeing pictures of the impressive gingerbread houses people make. When you finish, you can show it off on social media to your friends or just enjoy it yourself.
A great activity is playing holiday music. You should play the music you love listening to or actually play on an instrument you have. Or better yet, sing it. Music is good for the mind and soul so don’t skip on this one!
Do the holidays your way
Most importantly, you should celebrate your way. If that’s doing every traditional activity you know, then do that. If it’s to only do a couple of activities that you truly enjoy, don’t feel bad for not doing everything else.
“The whole world is talking about the holidays and what people should be doing. If you’re alone during this time, it can feel like you don’t fit into the expectations of the holiday season.”
Hsuan Hsuan Dai, a mental health therapist at Hall Health Center on the UW campus2
I think sometimes we can set-up expectations that we can’t meet in reality. By romanticizing the holidays, we end up putting pressure on ourselves and it’s unfair.
Don’t do this.
Set your own tone for how you want to feel and what will help you feel that way during the holidays.
When you are feeling down about where the holidays are at for you this year, try to focus on what you do have. Practice gratitude by journaling, telling someone else, or just thinking about it3.
A lot of people will recommend giving to others2,3. This act can be very good for fighting loneliness because it reminds you of how valuable you are. Your actions have just affected another person in a positive way and this is a huge accomplishment.
So, if you can, do something for someone else. You can give them a present, you can volunteer for something; just a random act of kindness can make an impact on someone’s life.
Conclusion
You don’t have to feel alone or sad during the holidays and especially during this year. Keep doing things, talk to friends and family, and be mindful that this is a difficult time for a lot of others too.
If you do feel sad, tired, or just numb at times, acknowledge these feelings and then do something that helps you change your mood to a better one.
I’ve only mentioned a handful of ideas of activities to do and movies to watch. There are plenty of other ideas. If you have favorites, let me know in the comments below! I would love to hear what you like to do.
I will be re-watching my favorite movies, attempting to design my own gingerbread house, playing classic holiday songs on my piano, and making my family fat with cookies and hot chocolate.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday and don’t be too hard on yourself. There’s no such thing as a perfect holiday and there are no criteria you need to meet so don’t pressure yourself to do certain things or feel a certain way.
Happy Holidays!
Live happier,
Nicole
Related post: Dealing With Uncertainty
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References:
1. Coping With Lockdown Loneliness During the Holidays. U.S. News; 2020 Nov 22. https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2020-11-22/coping-with-lockdown-loneliness-during-the-holidays.
2. Cabotaje, Angela. Feeling Lonely During the Holidays? You’re Not Alone. Right as Rain by UW Medicine, Mind: Mental Health, 2019 Nov 25. https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/mental-health/holiday-loneliness.
3. Scott M.S., Elizabeth. Loneliness and the Holidays: Dealing with Loneliness During the Holiday Season. https://www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-and-the-holidays-3144645.
Photos:
Header image: http://www.healthygh.org/directory/covid19 & http://clipart-library.com/holiday-clip-art.html
Home Alone movie poster: https://www.berginaldrash.com/concerts/2019/11/30/home-alone-df85g