Building Self-Confidence for a Successful and Happier Life

We’re not looking for a quick fix in this post. Building self-confidence is one of the most challenging goals you can set and will most likely take a lifelong effort to maintain. However, the effort is very worthwhile because it can lead to a successful and happier life on a personal level.

Every day our confidence comes into play and affects how we deal with situations in our life. If we don’t have confidence in ourselves, we may not go on to attempt our dreams and therefore we stop ourselves short of what would potentially make us happy and successful.

Self-Doubt is debilitating

Questioning yourself at every corner of the way is tiring. It can take up extra time to get what should be a simple task completed. Diffidence can even feed into your anxiety.

Self-doubt leads other people to think you are incompetent at some level and can cause them to insert their opinions about what you should do. This makes you vulnerable to other people’s suggestions and can make you live less of a life than you would like to live.

Soon, you can end up relying almost completely on what others think. This can stall you from doing what you want to do and from thinking how you want to think. This is the opposite of self-confidence and can even tear down what confidence you do have. The cycle has to stop.

A common reason why people lack self-confidence is that they want to please others more than be true to themselves. You might say that you aren’t a people pleaser, but while being a people pleaser isn’t all bad, if it makes you depend on what others think of you to make you feel worthwhile, that can undermine your own ability to believe in yourself.

Why does having self-confidence matter?

Building self-confidence helps the individual be more self-assured. This helps a person handle pressures better, commit to a tough regime, maintain concentration regardless of distractions, and become resilient in the face of failures (Sellars).

Your self-confidence is your view of how likely you are to accomplish a goal. This is usually based on your past experience. It helps shape what you believe you can do. So, if you don’t have self-confidence, you won’t believe that you can do what you want. You’ll limit yourself and you won’t allow yourself the chance to improve. Self-confidence helps you take good risks to better your life.

There are going to be many situations in the future that will be full of uncertainty but if you cultivate confidence in your abilities to deal with the unknown, then you will be better off. Instead of being afraid of what’s to come, you will be aware of what you have handled in the past and what potential capability you have for handling an unfamiliar situation in the future.

Since dealing with your confidence level is an everyday experience, it matters and it’s ideal to have more of it (Burton). Self-confidence is almost like having trust in yourself. If you don’t trust yourself to handle what comes your way, you can break down the relationship you have with yourself. This is the most important relationship you have.

No trust in yourself leads to self-doubt which leads to fear and anxiety. Self-confidence matters because it helps you feel like you can achieve the life you want and encourages you to try.

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.

Henry Ford

Ways you can work on your self-confidence

Assess your current confidence level

Your confidence may fluctuate day-to-day and will be different across a variety of tasks. For example, you could be really confident when it comes to sports, but not so confident when it comes to asking your crush out.

Be honest with yourself. Are you not feeling as confident because the last time you gave a speech, it didn’t go that well? Is there going to be something different this time, like you practiced a lot more compared to before? Was last time a fluke? If so, give yourself the confidence that the other speeches you gave went well so this one will too.

Ask yourself “Why do you want more confidence? What’s holding you back?”

Practice positive self-talk

Give yourself a pep talk! Remind yourself of your past accomplishments, build yourself up so that you can handle what’s ahead, and compliment yourself.                        

Work on a mantra if that’s really what you need. Boosting yourself in a difficult, unpredictable world is healthy.  

Create a positive feedback loop

What’s the best way to create confidence? Remind yourself of what you have already achieved. It doesn’t have to be accomplishments on a huge scale. You don’t need to have been nominated for Forbes 30 under 30, had a successful fortune 500 company, or attained a Ph.D.

Worthwhile accomplishments can be considered small in the eyes of others but important to you. It could be memorizing all the state capitals and acing your geography test or having the ability to entertain and make children laugh.

Look at your relationships in your life, whether you grew something this year in your garden or kept a houseplant alive. Look at your ability to manage a difficult project at work or that you hit your exercise goal three out of five workdays this week.

Confidence is basically a positive attitude and self-belief (Sellars). You give yourself the ability to believe in yourself and choose to be positive rather than negative.

If you don’t feel like you have anything to base your current confidence level on then start somewhere. It can be a small task like emailing someone from who you need information. Self-confidence can be built and it doesn’t have to be attained in one day.

As you build experiences that feed into your confidence, your confidence grows and gives you the ability to do even more.

Put yourself out of your comfort zone

Growth doesn’t come from being in the same routine. You have to put yourself out there and challenge yourself. When you see that you can indeed step up to the challenge and flourish, you will create a new experience that you can rely on to build your self-confidence.

This can even mean getting more active, especially, if you do little movement currently. This has been a huge struggle during the pandemic to find the time and a place to exercise. Studies have shown that a good proportion of us have gained weight during this time. Having a good connection with your body, having healthy energy, and muscles to stand tall feedback into our mind positively. This is when physicality feeds into the mentality and can help with self-confidence.

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortablee when you try something new.

Brian Tracy

Confidence is not arrogance

I remember attending a post-undergraduate seminar about applying to graduate school. A couple of my coworkers were too afraid to speak about their accomplishments for fear of sounding like they were boasting about themselves. However, in a world where it’s become the norm to talk about yourself, you have to stand up for your accomplishments. Otherwise, you’ll get passed over for another candidate.

Noting your abilities and accomplishments gives you confidence. Believing you can do anything and putting yourself above others is arrogance.                                               

Lead a successful and happy life through confidence

How can confidence help you lead a successful and happy life? Well, for starters, you won’t be hesitating and questioning yourself all the time. This relieves you of a lot of anxiety and vulnerability to other people’s control.

Confidence gives you the ability to feel good about the decisions you make and encourages you to make choices that help you further the life you want. Remember, that success is defined by the individual so you don’t need to be a multi-millionaire to be successful.

Imagine feeling self-assured, walking with your head high, smiling at people passing by. Having self-confidence is sexy. True confidence is quiet and kind to others. It gives to yourself and to others.

Set some goals that you want to accomplish and start wherever you feel comfortable starting. Self-confidence is a positive thinking tool. Naturally, with confidence, you’ll want to do positive things like start a new hobby, join a sports team, attempt a project you have a passion for, etc.

A happy life consists of doing what you are passionate about, enjoying meaningful relationships, and appreciating the good in your life. Building your self-confidence is the key that will allow you to go and get these things. So, what are you waiting for? Start today and do one thing that will build your self-confidence and access the life that makes you happy and fulfilled.

So, what are you waiting for? Start today and do one thing that will build your self-confidence and access the life that makes you happy and fulfilled.

Live happier,

Nicole

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References

Burton, Kate and Platts, Brinley. Building Self-Confidence for Dummies. John Wiley & Sons, Ltd., 2006.

Sellars, Chris. Building Self-confidence. The National Coaching Foundation, 1998.

Wright, Judy H. Building Self-Confidence with Encouraging Words. Artichoke Press, 2007.